Eyes Wide Open

For most human beings the most terrifying thing we can think of is the unknown, not knowing where we are going or what we are doing, and yet if you ask, most people will say they don’t really know. Everyone seems to have a dream of what life will bring for them, but not a clue as to how it will happen.

This admission of uncertainty aroused me to ask a spiritual teacher once what he thought of fate. He answered very clearly that life was like a river, and when we are right in predicting its events we refer to it as my will, but when we are flowing against the river with our perception and life takes us through events we refer to it as fate… It’s meant to be!

It wasn’t soon after that that I finally came to the conclusion that we tend to predict the future out of distinct fears we gather from reacting to past experiences, and that any projection of future events was coming from this small pool of remembrance, and how small the bottle was compared to the universe and its possibilities.

Science is semi-capable of predicting events in phenomena as long as the events are being observed accurately. The problem is that science lacks a correct paradigm which leads to constant discovery. I figure the same is true of fate. So, I have made a decision to merely ride the ride with my eyes wide open.

Today I can honestly admit that the road I am on is the same as it’s ever been, at least for this cycle and up until now I have had too much invested in its outcome to be objective. Today feels different! I can see… my eyes are open!

Here we go!

2 Weeks to go!

What a crazy winter it has been. I am two weeks away from going back to Yellowstone and I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready than I am now. Not that it hasn’t been fun, but I think I could have probably lived without all the drama the past few month have fostered.

I was able to connect with an old friend I hadn’t seen in awhile, but it’s going to be some time before we can ever really be the friends I think we are meant to be. It’s hard to see people meet with transition by chasing the things that brought their path to a screeching halt, although I admit it is often easier to practice the things that are familiar rather than to take the risks involved in nuance.

Yellowstone has always been a comfort for me. It’s like landing in a nest, and even though it has it’s character as well, I still know what to expect. I can’t wait to see the Tetons and have a burger at Buster’s in Jackson Hole.

This weekend was great. I went to a Bike Festival here in Missoula, and this place called Free Bikes brought a gazillion bike parts and frames to build a bike with. I was able to piece together a pretty nice Schwinn and now won’t have to walk around when I get into the park. I still have to put a few more pieces on it to get it into shape, but it’s a really great bike considering it was free.

I wonder what today will bring..?

Missoula

Well, I’m back in Missoula for a few weeks. All the physical things have worked out pretty well, as far as monetary needs go, and places to stay and such. It’s a bit strange that my trip this winter has consisted of re-visiting old things. Not so much the people, but certainly they are part of the experience. Visiting Mom, then Jen and now Cheree is really like travel through a shadow of past experiences, almost like wandering through a museum filled with old paintings.

I keep attempting to try new things, so I went to Bryce Canyon National Park and did some photography, but other than that what I’m noticing is that nothing really seems to want anything from me but to repeat the past. I felt pretty strongly about not wanting to repeat the cycles that I had been through for the last few years, but I’m not really sure how to do it when I feel like everything new I try isn’t really embracing my presence about it.

I liked being in Quartzsite in January. I always love going to the places that seem to change with you instead of stagnating in their usual dynamic. Every place has its habits, but places like Quartzsite, Hawaii, and Yellowstone are always in flux with new people and changing dynamics. When I’m away from that kind of environment I feel a little bit lonely. I realized this winter that I actually get depressed when I’m too far away from the intense experiences of backpacking in truly beautiful places like the Tetons or Kaua’i’s Napali Coast. It’s like a drug to be carried into such states of euphoria.

Right now I’m about a month away from the Park and I’m really ready to get there and start the conversations that go along with thousands of wanderers from all over the world. This year I am equipped with a sweet pool cue and won’t have to loose the pool tourney because someone decided to let some girl (he might get something from) borrow the cue he promised to me at the last minute.

Today I think I’ll just hang out and watch movies and maybe try to get Guild Wars to play, although the connect here at Lael’s isn’t very fast…

Peace…